What the fuck?

I just hate that when I think I am being myself finally, and it is going to be fine, then I get slammed back down on the pavement. I feel like it really is either lie all the time or be a bad person... and either way I would be a bad person. I don't want to be perceived as a crass bitch, I am not at all that way... but yet, apparently that is what they see. I hate it. And I know sometimes I talk too much... I just need to start separating myself from the rest of it i guess... it's over... there is Amanda and there is the interpreter Amanda... and that is that. I hate this. It isn't fair that when I finally am feeling good about something I have to be told that I am not mature enough for it... this is bull shit. I just want to scream. Whatever, I will grow up, I will grow up and shut up if that is what they want.

Angel