My best friend:

There have been some changes in the way we were
It is so hard to admit.
I can never say exactly how i feel
without being chastised for it.
First impressions last a lifetime
and ours was for the books.
You and I made a great pair
when you cared less about looks.

About how you look on Sundays
when no one will see you at all,
About how you look in your home
like it matters what's on the wall.
About how you look with your boyfriend
Make sure you make the perfect couple
About how you look in your car
Really nothing changed at all.

You care about the vanities in life
Materialistic things.
You constantly obsess over the coolest
clothing music and rings
I wish you could see it from my side
you are amazing just as you are
But instead now you set up this precedence
I think it has gone too far

You ask too much of those you love
we constantly feel under pressure
He loves you with all of his heart
but never gets any relief
We come to your house hoping to meet expectations
we know we can never reach.
Then we go to our own homes and criticize
how we can't be more like you.

My love for you is a thousand times
a thousand and the moon.
Our friendship could fill every heart
and still be searching for room.
We can laugh and cry together
or at least we could
But now when I am around you
I feel I am just no good.

I have been beaten and hurt and stomped on
and sometimes just need an ear
And I get so incredibly excited
when I know that yours is near
But lately nothing I say,
and everything I do
Can not compare to the expectations
Set by only you.

I am not sure what happened,
and I am sad for whatever did.
I don't know if suddenly you realized
we are no longer kids.
I don't know if it was your dream job
and how it didn't meet expectations
but whatever it was whenever it was
it changed all of your relations.

I am very sorry that you're hurting
I wish you would just open up
You know that the only thing I offer
is unconditional love.
I think maybe you are still wishing
you knew more about yourself
But babe we're in our 20s
everyone needs a little help.

If you ever come back and miss me
and realize what went wrong
PLEASE open up and tell me
because I promise I won't be gone.
I will patiently wait for my old friend
to come back around the bend.
And when you do I will be waiting
with much more than a hug to lend.

I love you my dearest friend,
I really do.
But as of right now I feel
I can't be near you
I don't know how to say it so
I am writing this in secrecy
But at some point I will tell you
and you may never forgive me.

My heart weeps for that moment,
but there is nothing I can change.
The ball is in your court now
I just hope you stay safe.

Forever and for always,
your best friend.
Angel <3

My List: (In no particular order)

Knowing that I am getting closer to wanting to be in a new relationship, and try dating and loving again... I realized that I needed to write a list of absolutes. These are needs that must be met... if they are not I can't comply. I don't think any of them are too excessive or exceptional... Just what I need in order to flourish and give my part in a relationship:

Loves me to the moon and back
Great hugger
Amazing sense of humor-requiring wit, charm, and intellect
Determined and Active
A great lover
Appreciates the small things in life
Willing to sacrifice now for the better tomorrow
Financially smart
Healthy
Enjoys similar activities
Loves to learn and teach
Open minded to new ideas and expansion
Wants kids (that means 2+)
Stable—Mentally, Physically, Emotionally and Spiritually
Understands enormous gifts the world and universe have to offer
Grateful
Family values
Willingness to try new things/Adventurous
Supportive of my needs
Passionate
My family and friends LOVE him
Literate beyond the average Joe-descriptive, wordy, educated
Tells me how much he loves me
Honest to a fault
Friendly
Understanding
Complimentary
Enjoys cooking
Helpful
Useful
Career driven, but family first
Giving


I truly believe that one day this person will enter my life. And you better believe, I am not going to give up on that.

<3 Angel

my gratefuls-revisited... and slightly edited... thanks to the guidence...

I am so happy and grateful now that I have pale yellow turbo VW bug with a sun roof, spoiler, special hub-caps and hot pink flowers in the vase...

I am so happy and grateful now that I have a million dollars in my bank account.

I am so happy and grateful now that I am able to donate plenty of time and money to my favorite charities.

I am so happy and grateful now that I am at the perfect 160 lbs and I wear a size 8 clothing... I look amazing!

I am so happy and grateful that I am in perfect health.

I am so happy and grateful that I graduated college on May 22, 2010 and with amazing grades! (DONE)

I am so happy and grateful that I passed the NIC at advanced my first try and feel amazing!

I am so happy and grateful that I have an amazing job as an ASL interpreter. (DONE)

I am so happy and grateful that to have a nice clean house that meets all of my needs and expectations.

I am so happy and grateful to be able to travel around the world at any time with my family.

I am so happy and grateful to be in a loving and committed relationship with my perfect partner.

I am so happy and grateful that I am always on time!

I am so happy and grateful to have such an amazing love for life, the world, and the universe.