Rage

The anger is seriously coursing through my veins. I can feel it burning all the way to my finger tips and I can't stand it. I can't stand knowing that I will be angry so much! I hate this feeling. I hate him too. Really I think I do. Because even now I am depending on him... he wants the fucking ring... yet I don't want to give it to him. but he wants to pay off the dishes... but I don't want to give the ring to him... if i don't give it to him will he end up just fucking stopping paying the dishes. Should I just give him the fucking ring? OMYGOD! and why the fuck did they come home tonight? I know tomorrow is going to be hell because of it... or maybe it won't who knows?! AHHH! And mom is having fun and being happy and i hate being here alone... and hearing the happiness. GROSS! all i wanna do is scream at the top of my lungs but my fucking old ass aunt and uncle are here and would hear it... why the fuck are they home?! Why can't I earn enough money to pay off my fucking debts?! WHY!? WHY!? WHY!? things seem so fucking hard all the time and I just can't stand it... oh well... what-ever... I will do what I can when I can and what I can't do will just have to fuck off.
the end
IM done
forever
angel

I hate the way I feel today. I can't get past this bump. There's a lump in my throat that won't go away and I am not sure what to do about it. I have been sleeping WAY too much and not crying enough... I am over stressed over what I am not sure. I know these emotions have a reason, a name, something to show me why I am feeling this way. But I can't get over it and it is driving me insane! I can't figure this out and it is dragging me down and there is nothing more I can say. I am in fear for my heart and my spirit and everything is melting away. I am stressed and so tired so so tired... I can't believe how much sleeping I can do which is a HUGE sign that there is something wrong. I feel tense, lonely, disappointed in myself, angry... I just... I don't know I feel like a nut job! GAGGAARRR