sick of this

I am so fucking sick of feeling so angry. My heart just aches and I just cry and cry and it won't go away. I am angry with everyone and I don't know how to handle it and then it makes me feel so lonely and isolated too... I just to know what to think or feel right now. i am really just feeling like death inside. I feel great but horrible at the same time i am just fucking stuck... god. Then it's like I am bugging brett or something and its like dude I don't want to bug you or whatever but fuck just return my calls or answer when I call or listen to me when I talk or something! come on! And then I talk to mom and she's like "I know you're bored but I have work to do" and maybe I do call cause I am bored, that is probably the reason... but I want SOMETHING I feel like I give so much and get so little in return I am expected to be the fricking foundation for our family, the support beams through all the shit we have been through and yet when I want a little bit of attention for something I feel like it is not there. Sure I want to go back to RC a week early why the fuck wouldn't I but at the same time once I get there and we get into conversations I won't be able to hold my own anyway. Shit. And then here it's like here or there... well if I had to pick I would pick there for sure. HERE it is fucking TORTURE! these people are freaks! They are old and douche bags They're old and I am young and they expect something from me and I don't expect that from them and it's dumb as shit! I just have this rage within me making me want to break things and hurt shit and eat... and I don't really WANT to eat but I WANT to eat you know what I mean?! God this is horrifying I am not even close to the bubbly person everyone, including myself, thinks I am. What do I do now? How do I embrace the new girl who is just not that girl?