Peace

I need to find my inner peace... i can tell I am getting closer, I am not making it a goal, but it needs to happen. Not necessarily soon, just needs to happen in general. I am seriously suffering here... I think the pain is the real me tearing through the flesh of the facade that has been ruling the roost for so damned long. I am quite sure that this will be the end of it. Once I can lay shit out on the table with my family and just start being me... things will get better. I enjoy being a happy person, yes, but does happiness always come with a smile? I can be content and not lie. I am so used to jumping to the comfortable smile people are so used to seeing with me... I need to get comfortable with jumping to the ME people aren't used to seeing.

I am so care free but am I free of care? Absolutely not, it takes more energy for me to be the person I think they want to see when in reality, I need to be me. I can't carry on this way anymore especially considering the fact that my life will soon get more complex with my work being my number one priority something that will impact me emotionally quite often. I need to be able to be myself.