Note to Tove

hey... im kinda struggling right now so i just needed to send you a msg... I sent my brother a greeting and it turned into a sob fest... it was terribly revealing of how I have REALLY been doing... then i proceeded with crying some more then Facebook stalking Kathy... Which is a bad idea in my current state anyways but even worse considering I am bummed that idk that she is doing so many of the things I want to be doing... i am glad she is happy but I kinda need her right now a bit.. you know? not to listen to my sob stories but just to hear her laugh... and it kills me that I cant just call her. I can call you and you are the best friend anyone ANYONE could ever want... I love you to the moon and back again and I wish more than anything I was sitting in your company right now rather than in the company of a computer and youtube... but I am not. And seeing pics and hearing stories about what kathy is up to makes me want to call her and tell her.. i miss her and I am sorry there were times I wasnt there for her... but the sad thing is there was only ONE time I wasnt there for her and hundreds when she wasnt there for me... but for that one time... i feel eternally guilty. Guilt. That is the feeling I have right now... perpetual guilt... I wish it would just leave me alone for a minute... I need a hug... I need a great talk over some coffee and a friend... and a hug... but i dont have one ...
Mom bought a car today :) I am so proud of her. And she and John went ring shopping... can you believe it? Its gonna happen and I am so happy for them!
I hope your weekend is fab... I hope you got my voicemail and laughed... I hope I get to see you soon!
I love you more than you 'll ever know!Manda